This Sunday’s Gospel reminds us that Christ calls us to “take up our cross” and follow Him. We all have a different cross to bear. Christ calls us to accept our burden with courage and faith and follow Him on our path to holiness.
It is not always easy to take up our cross. Often it is painful and heavy. When we lost August, it was not a cross I expected to bear. Miscarriage just doesn’t happen to young newlyweds, I thought, so how could it happen to us? It seemed unfathomable. We wanted this baby, were prepared for this baby, were so in love with this baby, this dream come true. And yet, he was taken from us as quickly as he was given.
For the first few days and weeks, I felt like a small child, angry and throwing a fit to the Lord. How dare He ask me to carry this cross. This burden was too much to bear. I didn’t ask for it, and yet here I was forced to carry this heavy heavy cross. Not only did we lose our child, we were required to avoid pregnancy for another year, and I was faced with blood draws for the foreseeable future. I just didn’t want this.
I still don’t want this. But there is courage and faith found in accepting the cross. During one of my many diatribe’s to the Lord this summer, I realized that faith is not understanding and yet trusting. I don’t, and will probably never, understand why this is the path our family has to take. Yet, I trust that there is good that will come out of it. That God will provide and love me and our family to the very end.
I have accepted this heavy cross, made lighter some days by the grace of God, and heavier some days by the petulance of me. There are set backs: blood draws that seemed never ending, blood draws in the most uncomfortable of locations (hand and wrist, ouch!), finding out that these blood draws will be necessary for every pregnancy for the rest of my life. But there is such grace: having a son in heaven, the potential of finishing the draws come January, friends and family coming around us and encouraging us, our marriage bond made stronger.
I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. We all have our crosses. And it’s up to us to accept it with courage and faith, and follow Him along the way.