We left the appointment with heavy hearts and orders for lab work. We stopped for a blood draw (the second in five days) to test certain hormone levels and went home. We spent the day crying, talking to family, and waiting for my OB to call us.
We tried to figure out a plan for the week. My students had finals the next week, and I really couldn’t miss that much school without my students (and parents) freaking out about the exam. I had to go in and review with them, make sub plans, and still needed to even write the exams. J had tasks to be completed and cases to run at work. Life still marches on, even when it feels like the world has stopped spinning.
Our OB called us that night. The specialist noticed something odd in the ultrasounds, something only picked up because of their specialized, more detailed machines. The placenta was much thicker than it should’ve been for 12.5 weeks. This fact, combined with our baby’s cystic hygroma, pointed to a possible partial molar pregnancy. Because of this, a D&C would be necessary and was already scheduled for Thursday, May 10th.
Thursday arrived far too quickly. The day before, I had another round of blood work drawn, and a chest X-ray in case of possible complications. My doctor suspected a partial molar pregnancy, which could only be diagnosed after running more tests. This would be a dreaded diagnosis as it meant more blood draws than I cared to count and undesired potential outcomes.
We waited in pre-op for a long time. I was anxious and sad and dreading the moment they would take me back. Our nurse was kind and gracious when she discovered why we were there. One of the worst parts of all of this was the timing: my birthday is the 11th of May and Mother’s Day fell on the 13th. This was not how I expected this birthday or my first Mother’s Day to go. She tried to encourage me saying there would be other babies. But the things was, I wanted this baby. I longed for this baby. I have loved this baby since I was a little girl. And this was just not how I envisioned my first pregnancy or baby. Really it’s not how I envisioned any of my pregnancies or babies.
I have to take this moment here to say how amazing my sweet husband is. There have been so many tears wiped, so many fears and anxieties calmed, so many hugs given, so many prayers and comforting words said by him. He was and is my rock through all of this. He was strong and steady, as I felt our world falling apart.
Finally Dr. S came to us, signaling we were close to the start of surgery. She went over the procedure and possible complications with us. She then told us the results of the genetics test came in. The results showed a low possibility for Trisomy 13, 18, and 21, and the presence of a Y chromosome.
When she said we had a son, J crumbled into me. The reality had hit. This baby, our sweet son, was gone.
They soon came to take me back. I was wheeled into the operating room and began to cry. I was scared and sad and trying so desperately to hold it together. As I was being put under, I could hear someone sobbing and realized it was me as the world faded to black.