Just a PSA

I started back at work this week. In the span of three days, I had three co-workers ask me about a baby. One wanted to know when I was going to get around to having a baby, another wanted to know why I wasn’t pregnant yet, and the other went so far as to say “You’re a faithful Catholic and already married for seven months, what’s the holdup?”

Each encounter left me stunned and fumbling for words. They were all coworkers I didn’t spend a whole lot of time with, and two had no idea we had already lost a baby. The other did know about our miscarriage as she shared with me the story of her loss. I’m really not sure if she asked because she forgot or because she genuinely expected me to be pregnant again.

But each had me thinking, “I don’t really know you well enough for you to ask that question. And if I did know you well enough, you wouldn’t be asking me this question.”

I mean, why would you even ask a woman the details of her family planning? If you were actually close enough to someone to ask this question, you probably would already know the answer.

So from a grieving mother, don’t ask people about when they’re going to have a(nother) baby. For all you know, she wants a baby and can’t have one because of health concerns or money is just too tight enough already or her husband isn’t on board. She wants a baby and for some reason just can’t seem to get pregnant. She wants the baby she already carried and is just trying to get through the day without crying or thinking about how many weeks along she should be or how old that baby would be now.

Every family has a different story of how and when they are formed. There is no set timetable or set structure that makes a family.

It’s not your business, and if it was, it would be shared with you without needing to ask.

So to answer your question nosy co-worker, “Well, I should be 25 weeks on Sunday with our sweet son. But it wasn’t meant to be, and we lost him at 12.5 weeks. Due to complications, I’m under doctor’s orders to avoid pregnancy for the next year. We should be cleared next summer, and pray that God blesses us with another little soul then.”